Hormonal Imbalances
by wishHeart
Summary: Rikku has fallen head over heels for the legendary guardian. But puberty and hormonal imbalances tends to play with her emotions, then again, it might be something more.
1. Low SelfEsteem

Okay, another fic. I really suck at updating, Its been almost a week since I've update my two stories, and well...here's another one. This follows the game though its slightly AU, I'm asking you now to forgive me for spellings and wrong grammar. Thanks for taking the time to read and please tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own it!

Summary: Rikku has fallen head over heels for the legendary guardian. But puberty and hormonal imbalances tends to play with her emotions, then again, it might be something more.

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Hormonal Imbalance

by

wishHeart

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He was just soooooooooooo hot today. It made me feel like some lecherous old woman staring at him like that, but it was really hard not too. Even the back of his head is hot. I mean, if something as small as that makes my heart flip-flop, that's a big enough reason as to why I've been crushing on him for the last four weeks.

Of course, that's all I've done. I've talked to him occasionally, though attempts at a normal conversation isn't really my forte and I don't think I've ever had a norm conversation with someone. I'm sure if I came up to him and proclaimed my undying love, he'd freak out and put a restraining order on me. This is one of the reasons why the only way he'd ask me out is in my dreams, in which he is a daily visitor (I know, I'm such a dork).

In my free time, of which I have a lot of, I have made a list of why The Great Sir Auron would NEVER in a million years ask me out. Of course, I usually display much more optimism than what is shown in the list below, but my hormones were imbalanced and well, puberty tends to play with your emotions…

Anyways, the list:

**10 Reasons Why Auron Will NEVER EVER Ask Me Out**

**10.** He's thirty-five years old for God's sake! I'm a lowly teenager. He has these huge muscles, his kick-ass sword and that firm butt (I haven't touched it, but you know its firm just by looking at it). And I all I have is…wait…scratch that…I don't have boobs, my arms are to skinny, and I'm a freakin midget! Everyone knows I can't make all these three things I lack grow. It's a known fact.

**9.** He's one of the hottest guys in SPIRA!. TONS of girls are after him. Though I want to think that I am his only secret admirer, my competition ranges from summoners, acolytes, Al Bheds, and hell, even unsents! I think I've even seen a 40 year old woman flirt with him…

**8. **He's hot. I'm not. I'm considered a dork. Sure, I'm good at customizing, thievery and alchemy, the other guardians like me, but my people skills are limited and so are my looks.

**7. **He's popular, I'm not. He doesn't try to be popular, which is one of the reasons why I like him so much, but he still is. He's constantly surrounded by hypocritical and superficial people , and even though he never really seems to smile (or show any sign of facial expression), he doesn't really push them away either. Like I said in the above reason, I'm a dork, period. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out…

**6.** When we camp during our travels, we usually camp twice before reaching our destination which limits the amount of interaction between us. Also, Lulu (may she burn in hell, along with her damned dolls), the black mage of our group, casts sleep spells on all of us (she says 'Its to keep the nightmares at bay and help you sleep better'. Sleep better the shoopuf's ass), and since Auron always volunteers to stay guard, I can't even stay up late and accompany him or even have the pleasure of staring at him…

**5. **He displays almost NO emotion!!!!! I swear, would it kill the guy to crack a smile every now and then. I don't mind most of the time, I mean, the guy would be hot even wearing a tutu and stilettos. Once, I heard Yuna and Tidus talking about Auron, and Tidus was all 'Auron never asked someone out in Zanarkand, its them who always asks him out'. He's never asked a girl out! That only complicates my already complex situation. **They** always ask HIM out. And God knows, I CANNOT do that.

**4. **He's always beside Yuna. I don't think Auron really needs to be around her all the time, its not that he's displaying any kind of interest in her (eww. That's gross) but Yuna already has Kimahri and Tidus by her side. If only Auron could move a little away from Yuna and move closer to me. He being with Yuna always makes it so much harder to stalk him…

**3.** He's got his own fan club made up of acolytes, summoners, guardians, and your-everyday Spirans. One major rule, NO AL BHEDS ALLOWED! That means another millennia of waiting and wishing for our race to create a machine to change our pupils. If I even flirted casually with him, they'd jump me and beat the shit out of me.

**2. **HE DOESN'T KNOW MY FRICKN' NAME!!!!! Its not that he doesn't know it but he never called me by name, it was either 'You' or 'Come here' or the combination of both. It gives me this creepy feeling that he doesn't know how to pronounce it!!!!

And the number one reason why Auron will NEVER EVER ask me out is…

**1.** He already has a lover.

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please review! 


	2. Awkward Moments

_Hey guys!Thanks for the reviews, alerts, faves and hits!!!I really appreciate your response. This update is pretty late.. I know that there's no good enough reason to be updating late but school sucks and I've been procrastinating.lol.anyhow, this is the second installment!Hope you enjoy, I must warn you that there is cursing, spelling and grammatical errors and OOC-ness in this chapter. Thanks again!And don't forget to review!_

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_Chapter 2_

_**Awkward Moments**_

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Last chapter:_

_And the number one reason why Auron will NEVER EVER ask me out is…_

_**1.**__ He already has a lover._

Lulu. The symbol for feminism. She's soft-spoken, beautiful, and has a LOT of front (if you know what I mean) with great big doe eyes (technically its eye, since the other is covered by her silky bangs) that make guys melt when she looks at them. Not to mention she's what everyone calls, and I quote, "drop-dead gorgeous". If she weren't so nice to everyone, I'd hate her, but instead, I envy her, while trying to convince myself that she isn't perfect (although there are no visible flaws that I see).

She's about the only person he shows an ounce of emotion towards. Actually, now that I think about it, she's the only person that is allowed to touch him. Everyone else gets thrown into a wall…

But every intimate gesture they do share is like a stab through the chest.

He puts his arm around her. _Stab._

He pushes her bangs back and gazes into her eyes. _Stab. Stab._

He whispers something into her ear and she giggles, oh so femininely. _Please, I beg of you, just put me out of my misery!_

Of course, they've never even gotten to first base for all I know. Guess Lulu takes the "no sex till you're married" thing to a **whole** new level. Yevon would be proud.

You're probably wondering, "How the hell do you know that they've never gotten to first base? What are you, some sort of demented stalker?"

I do not stalk. It's belittling and illegal. I prefer to call it casually examining the finer details of a person's life.

But really, I'm not experienced enough to stalk. One time, I tried to follow him in the wilderness of Macalania forest, but about five minutes into it, I tripped over a rock and sprained my ankle. It was hard enough trying to explain why I had been following him (I think I started blabbering about how I didn't realize where I was going and went in the wrong direction…), but imagine trying to walk back to the camp with a throbbing and steadily swelling ankle (I couldn't tell him I sprained my ankle, I'd look like even more of a klutz, especially since the rock I had supposedly tripped on turned out to be my other foot…).

That incident was enough to send me out of the stalking mood for a while.

Still, even though the fact that Auron hasn't actually kissed Lulu makes me feel a LITTLE better, I wish that Lulu would just go somewhere far, far away…

The little things that constantly remind me that Auron is taken really make the days longer, which, is a bad thing, considering my horrible luck. It's like I have a huge neon sign that says, "Bad Luck Wanted".

Ugh! EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SUCKS!!!!! They can all burn in hell! I just want to rip their little heads off of their scrawny bodies!

You wanna know why? Well, I'll tell you why, but I warn you, if you get me pissed off, I am so shoving your head up your ass!

**10 Reasons Why Today Sucked**

**10.** It was the first day of spring. You're probably like, "What's so bad about that?" Well, spring equals flowers, which equals pollen. I'm allergic to pollen, deathly allergic. The whole entire day was filled with sneezing, itchy eyes, puffy nose, the works. As if I'm not unattractive enough.

**9. **On our way to the Calm Lands, I realized that I forgot my smoldering iron (you know the one I use for customizing weapons). Running back to the camp in Macalania (alone), I narrowly escaped being run over by some bastard in a rusty old ice scooter. Then, I realized that I had my smoldering iron all this time (it was in my backpack). I know, I'm such a genius (note the sarcasm).

**8. **Stupid muscle-head a.k.a Wakka started to call me a weasel. I never really understood WHY I'm called a weasel. A weasel is beady-eyed, sneaky, and dishonest. Is that why people think I am? Great, the red-head SOB just lowered my self-esteem another 9 notches. I must remind myself to contemplate about my… er, weaselness.

**7.** Yuna DITCHED me! I know she's been obsessing over that Zanarkand guy for well over two months now, but what about me? Aren't I more important than that delusional-blondie? I mean, I am her own flesh and blood…not to mention we share the same pupil (not literally). Anyways, I was waiting patiently for her to come tend to my wounds (poison and silence) until Sir Auron (note the change in voice) said "No time to waste. Let's go!" And everyone was walking until Lulu realized I was still sitting on the ground unable to call for them (since the silence spell also prohibits the ability to speak). She immediately comes to my aid and helps me! OMG! What a way to make me hate the person who the love of my life loves! Yuna could have at least told me to waste a Remedy, but she was too busy staring all googly-eyed at that Tidus.

**6. **During a battle with a hard-ass Marlboro, Yuna, my cousin, our summoner and our WHITE MAGE lost consciousness when a damn cockroach went up her skirt and into parts you do not want to know. So the Marlboro's charging up with its uber Bad Breath and all of us were almost out of it. It was then I remembered I had a special concoction in one of my knapsacks…which unfortunately I forgot at the last inn we were in. So I raced back to said inn as fast as my scrawny legs could carry me, half-way through the debacle, I remembered the concoction was in one of my pouches…which was conveniently attached to my belt…Yevon! I should be awarded a Noble prize!

**5**. So I ran back to the scene as fast as I could, I endured scorching deserts and blistering winds (okay, getting a little dramatic). I would have made it in time, except some bastard stuck his foot out and TRIPPED me! On the steep hill to the Calm Lands! I barely escaped spinal and head injuries! Of course, the bastard who tripped me had an unfortunate accident in which, somehow, his genital area was brutally attacked… Finally making it back to fight scene, late, Yuna was already conscious and LULU was already using her Black Magic on the Marlboro, therefore, being titled as the saviour of the day. Fun…

**4.** During dinner, I sneezed and inhaled an enormous amount of Hypello Potion. Now everyone's looking at my nose, it being the size of a large apple, and just as red. The rest of the gang, namely Tidus and Wakka, were laughing at my nose saying my nose puts Bahamut's snout to shame. When Lulu told them off (I know it should not make my day sucky) but when would it be good news when Sir Auron was all googly-eyed at her after that.

**3.** During our rest in the Calm Lands, I decided to go on a little adventure (to clear my head about killing and/or severely maiming Lulu). During my adventure through the Calm Lands, the same bastard that tripped me on the hill (you know, the one that I made sure wouldn't enjoy any sexual intercourse anytime soon) got his friends to try and jump me while I was exploring. I nearly escaped injury by smacking them with the closest thing that I could grab, which happened to be a neon orange, rubber cone (the one's they used for training chocobos). Then, one of his dumbass friends got their dickhead stuck in the damn cone and had to be sent back to Bevelle so they could cut him free (don't see why they couldn't have done it here), and since no one saw the SOBs trying to beat me up, our little 'party' was severely punished by Yevon through the confiscation of our Gil. I mean, WHAT THE HELL!!!! Since when is self-defense a crime? Is it my fault for punishing the guy for trying to kill me and that his asshole friend's head is beyond huge?

**2. **Wow, déjà vu. The same son of a bitch tried, once again, to trip me while I was going down the stairs (this time). And I, once again, had to retaliate by attempting to rip his balls off and stapling it to his head. I would have succeeded too, except the thought of actually TOUCHING his lower region, even if two layers of cloth (at least I HOPE two layers, I mean, his a freaking Yevonite! I don't think they don't like wearing underwear or boxers) are between my hands and his genitals, was just too disgusting, so I settled kneeing him in his stomach, then pushing him off the stairs. He fell pretty far too.

Now, I bet you're all wondering, what could be worse than the fact that I had narrowly escaped severe paralization and the inability to produce a child with Sir Auron?

Well...

...the number 1 reason why today SUCKED is...

**1.** While preparing my stuff to continue on with the pilgrimage, I saw Auron and Lulu in the men's room opposite from where I was (the door was slightly ajar…mind you). At first, I didn't think too much of it. Then, I saw that they were getting PRETTY close. And he was looking at her so, you know, tenderly that I wanted to kick her pretty face in. Then… then… THEY FUCKING KISSED!!!!!!!!! Right in front of me, his undying crush! Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. They ALMOST kissed, but Lulu had an attack of prudentness (is that a word?) and turned her head so he kissed her on her cheek. But the fact that WANTED to kiss her was enough.

My mind has been scarred and my left eye will NOT stop twitching.

I just stood there, trying to grasp a hold of the image before me. But when he cupped her chin and was advancing on her so slowly that I wished I could cast a haste spell, that snapped me out of my trance. I don't think I've ever run faster (or cried harder). I think I skipped lunch and hid in the bathroom. I had to miss seeing my dear Auron, but I don't think I have enough self-control not to use my claw on Lulu.

Well, now were traveling towards Mt. Gagazet. And I can't help but wonder if a certain guardian would be kind and thoughtful enough to lend me his coat in the blistering, not to mention chapping winds of the great mountain.


	3. Forever Fated to be an Androgynous Being

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but my precious fanfics.

Sorry for the LONG delay in updating. Thank my dog for reminding me of my duty as a fanfic writer. Also, many thanks to all who reviewed. Anyways, enjoy this short chapter:

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_Chapter 3_

**_Forever Fated To Be An Androgynous Being_**

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Here's a tip for single guys. A way to a girl's heart is to be chivalrous. If you hold the door open for her, even if you don't know her, a gracious smile and a whispered thank you will be your reward. 

However, the best way to get a girl to fall head over heels in infatuation with you is when she drops something, like one of her precious gems, or her smoldering iron, pick it up and hand it to her. Don't forget to smile. Your image will be forever imprinted into her mind. Trust me.

How do I know? First hand experience of course. That's how I first met Auron, not the legendary guardian Auron. When I was new to the group, I hadn't really thought of him as my ideal guy. I just knew him as the tall and eerily quiet legendary guardian who guarded Uncle Braska, and is guarding Yuna.

Anyways, as I was hurrying to catch with them, my precious fire gems fell from my backpack and fell to the ground. Just my luck, it was open, so everything in it went flying to the four corners of Guadosalam. Cursing my second-rate backpack, I dropped to my knees and found myself staring into the face of, who else, Auron. He helped me pick up most of the items (four of my water gems and three of my special concoctions remain missing to this day) before walking away.

I still angered the group for being too slow, and I think that I might have been able to collect everything faster if he hadn't helped, but it was the thought that counts. Since then, every time I saw him, which is like everyday, my heart does this weird fluttering thing. I used to blame it on indigestion, but it was too big a coincidence that it happened every time he was near.

Yes, I got a little obsessive. Found out his **last** name, where he used to live, that he was an only child, that he lived with his mother because his father had died. The works. I even found out that his favorite color is red and his favorite drink was tea. I think, for a short period of time, I would only wear clothes that were red, and bathed myself with green tea crystals…

After three weeks or so, reality struck and I realized that although he was the perfect guy for me, I was not his dream girl. Let me tell it, that revelation hurt. I guess it happened when I had finally gotten the nerve to go up to Auron and ask him for the time. Dorky, yes, wimpy, definitely, but it was a safe way to get him to talk to me, even if it was only one sentence.

So, I was walking towards him, trying to look casual, when Lulu (except I didn't know she was his girl friend back then), started talking to him. That wasn't so bad, until he put his arm around her and she started to giggle. According to Amore magazine, this was a surefire sign that they were dating, or at least wanted to date.

I just turned myself around and ran off. I didn't have any pictures of him to tear up, so I just cried in my pillow in the travel agency for awhile. Okay, so maybe I overreacted. It wasn't like he was cheating on me or anything.

Sure enough, three days later, Yuna confrmed that Auron and Lulu were boyfriend and girlfriend. Broke my heart to pieces.

Although I hated to do so, I accepted that I would never be romantically connected to Auron. I learned to control that annoying heart flutter and I learned to be more silent when thinking snide comments about Lulu (after all, she's not THAT bad).

I'm still not over him. That, at least is obvious. Sometimes, I get so emotional I feel like I just want to throw myself off a cliff and end it all. Then I realize that I'm too much of a wimp and that I'm deathly afraid of heights.

Auron's still completely oblivious to my affection, and he's only going to be here for about another 4 months before we reach Zanarkand, and find the other celestial weapons. Then, the chances of EVER seeing him again are incredibly slim.

Now I wish more than ever that I were 12 inches taller, 10 pounds lighter, two years older, and three boob sizes larger. That would get his attention...

Then again, I highly doubt that'll ever happen. At least not in the distant future. Yevon, why'd I have to be stuck in a short, overweight, preadolescent body? Why couldn't I have the body of a swimsuit model. Or at least grow some boobs? Am I fated to be an androgynous being for all eternity! Have mercy on my soul!

Okay, getting a little dramatic there. But honestly, no guy has EVER taken romantic interest in me. I'm too tomboyish, they see me as only a friend or a sister (which is even worse), they're not ready to be in a relationship, I've heard it all. All the bull-crappy excuses ever made. That's why I'm NEVER making the first move EVER again.

But I digress, back to the subject at hand. I really do like Auron, although sometimes I wonder why. I mean, sure, he was nice enough to help me pick up my precious loot and he certainly is good-looking enough, but what about his personality. He doesn't look like a social kind of person...

Which is why I have a new mission then. To capture Auron's heart before those four months are up. Mission Impossible much? I mean, first, he has to break up with Lulu. Then I have to work up the courage to talk to him. Then I have to get him to ask me out. The fact that I only have a very short time hanging out with him makes the mission even more unlikely to be successful. Well, where there's a will, there's a way. I mean what have I got to lose… except my pride, dignity, self-esteem… but those aren't that important to me.

I'll have to make a complicated plan with all the works, put myself on a diet, buy some of those "grow taller" pills, get a push up bra, and work on my flirting skills. Not so hard... right?

Now all I have to do is survive Mt. Gagazet, in my, ahem, outfit…

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Yeah, to clear things up, Rikku is NOT fat. She, being a teenager and possesing low self-esteem thinks that she's fat. She kind of wants to be like those anorexic supermodes or something. Yeah, so that "lose 10 pounds" thing was just a play on her insecurity. Nothing else. I do NOT think that Rikku is even CLOSE to overweight! 

Sorry if that was really lame and really short, but I haven't updated in SUCH a long time, but I don't really know what's gonna happen. Some Syemour drama more like. So, how'd you like this incredibly pointless and short chapter? It was inspired by a true story.

Yeah, anyways, time to thank the faithful reviewers. I WUV you ALL!


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